That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
