omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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