i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
