the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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