today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
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