i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
You can't motorboat a personality
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
