P.S. I can't hear my feet
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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