I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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