Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
