JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
