So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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