well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
