I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
