Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
