we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
