Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
last night I used snow as a chaser
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
