He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
