idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
