Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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