What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
pray to the hookup gods
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
