At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
He shit in the fireplace
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
