im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
