the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I smell like Dick and happiness
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
