Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
