He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
