The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize
