She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Randomize
