her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
