im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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