last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
