like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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