So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
