I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
