i jhust puked up my retainher.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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