I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
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