True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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