two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
