are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
He uses pillows to masturbate.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
