Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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