The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
