I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
