My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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