fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
