Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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