Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
