Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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