if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
