I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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