She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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