butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
